I'm Mad

It’s after midnight and I’ve been drinking, so...

Sun, 19 May 2013 00:48:17 -0700

It’s after midnight and I’ve been drinking, so here’s another sad song to cry yourself to sleep to. (Not me, I’m gonna go crush some mad gash.)

I don’t care what you say, this is the jam.

Sat, 18 May 2013 12:35:27 -0700

I don’t care what you say, this is the jam.

Windmill is one of the bands I love but probably wouldn’t...

Fri, 17 May 2013 00:55:00 -0700

Windmill is one of the bands I love but probably wouldn’t recommend to a lot of people. But I’m drunk, and even though these lyrics don’t make a lot of sense, I love this song. If I ever make another 101 show I want to use it. So, dibs.

I’m fucking great at this game. Put me on Amazing Race...

Tue, 14 May 2013 12:41:28 -0700

I’m fucking great at this game. Put me on Amazing Race immediately. I mean, look at that Alaska one! I was RIGHT ON. (You can use smart phones on the Amazing Race, right?)

Don’t get a ticket, ya’ll.

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 14:27:06 -0700

Don’t get a ticket, ya’ll.

Fark.com | Comedy Central star Nathan Fielder asked his Twitter followers to text "got 2 grams for $40" and "sorry ignore that txt" to their parents. The results are predictably great

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 14:31:24 -0700

Fark.com | Comedy Central star Nathan Fielder asked his Twitter followers to text "got 2 grams for $40" and "sorry ignore that txt" to their parents. The results are predictably great:

crockeronline:

Best laugh I’ve had in weeks.

“DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO JAIL?”

Nathan for You is actually a really great show. Ignore the fact that he looks like Frankenstein and sounds like Whetzell. I can’t speak for that other generic white guy with a show named after him on Comedy Central show, but I hear it’s mean-spirited.

Eliza! Eliza!: Please don't work my job while I strike.

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 12:01:00 -0700

Eliza! Eliza!: Please don't work my job while I strike.:

elizaeliza:

Real scabs aren’t cute.

I just went on strike from my job writing for a highly rated cable TV show. That might mean the brilliant comedians I know here online or in real life will be asked to come in and replace the striking workers. There are tons of people that are so funny, and I’d…

First they came for our donut Thursdays, and I said nothing because I’m trying to lose a few pounds. Then they came for the free soda in the break room fridge, and I said nothing because, you know, soda from the machine is only like a buck. Then once, the host of the show was mean to me, and I said nothing because, well, after sixty years in the business she has sort of earned the right to be a cunt to a cable joke writer. Then someone said, “Strike!” and it sounded a lot easier than applying elsewhere, and I said, “Yeah, alright.”

This genius video got us last place at the dumb awards.

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 14:17:17 -0700

This genius video got us last place at the dumb awards.

Indians - Magic Kids

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 10:08:27 -0800

Indians - Magic Kids

“Melt In The Sun” Music Video by Camcorder | Free Bike Valet

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 15:20:24 -0800

“Melt In The Sun” Music Video by Camcorder | Free Bike Valet:

I’m in a band. Pluimer made us a video.

Well here’s the last Business. Danny Jelinek directed and...

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 20:19:00 -0800

Well here’s the last Business. Danny Jelinek directed and did an amazing job at putting some interesting visuals on our stupid songs.

After Business was canceled the first time we threw together the cartoon to try to win a Channy and didn’t. Jonah Ray gave us the idea to do a live action version of the cartoon, so we did, because we hate ourselves and the audience. The Hackers episode was one we were going to do in the original series and I really liked it, despite narrowly avoiding being canceled by only one vote.

In the end, we were tired of doing the show and dared the audience to cancel us by doing a musical, which they happily did. So no meltdown cry baby post from me. I’m glad it’s over. I think we got about everything out of it that we could have. Comedy Central was really mean to us when we pitched it to them. Everyone who directed an episode is amazing. Cash Hartzell produced and is a great guy who everyone should know. And despite Kelsy being a stupid little idiot, she is one of my favorite people to work with.

Holy shit you guys, THIS IS WHAT KIDS ARE INTO NOW.

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 23:55:55 -0800

Holy shit you guys, THIS IS WHAT KIDS ARE INTO NOW.

In honor of Sam and Erin’s new dog Party Dog, I wrote this...

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 11:07:00 -0800

In honor of Sam and Erin’s new dog Party Dog, I wrote this song called “(Party is the Message) Party is the Truth.”*

*This song was actually produced six years ago on a Playstation 2.

Meh.

Thu, 27 Dec 2012 00:22:20 -0800

It looks like an ocean in my peripheral vision. It’s not. I’m in northern Colorado. (A lesser writer would tell you that’s about as far from any ocean as you can get. But I’m not hacky. I know you’re smarter than that.) It’s snow. It’s snow in vast fields. I grew up here, but I don’t know what they are. Farms? Sure. Let’s say that. That’s not the picture that I’m trying to paint, but neither is “plains” so let’s just say farms and move on. You can see them. It’s weird. There’s no light but you can see them more clearly than insert metaphor here. You can see them as clearly as the headlights in your review mirror, which thankfully, don’t exist.

Because I’m drunk. Not drunk drunk, but they say buzzed driving is drunk driving. My mind wonders for a brief second, fascinated that the officials adopted “buzzed” into their lexicon. Then back. White line, yellow line, speedometer. Every vehicle is my future ten thousand dollars down the drain. But there are none, so that’s good.

The heater is on and two windows are down because the worst thing that can happen here is Mom will smell smoke in her car. The car I borrowed because I’m involuntarily reliving my teens. So I’m preventative maintenancing that. I’m doing the bare minimum to ward off the stale remnants of cigarettes while at the same time keeping myself what could be mistaken as “warm.” It’s 7f here. At least 20f in the mid-size.

Then the worst happens. My phone stops talking. The normal comforts of “turn left in a quarter mile” have been taken from me. Somebody texted me? I have to take my eyes off the whites yellows and 60 mphs to rectify. I grew up here, but I didn’t drive here very much. Only for a few years. This is a new phone. I think it’s back on track. There’s a street that looks moderately familiar. I think I’m good enough to go without the tech from here on out.

Another set of headlights and minor freakout. Another slow, cowardly turn on what reveals itself to be an extremely tractional snow covered culdesac. And I’m in. The garage. If I can find the opener. Of course, it’s where you keep the sunglasses. A cat welcomes me. She’s cold too. And equally cowardly. A final beer in celebration. And a self indulgent post. Mumford and Sons was playing on the radio. Or I guess it could have been that kid who won American Idol. Either way. If I lived here, this would not be noteworthy.

My mom didn’t think that last shot of Peewee did her...

Mon, 24 Dec 2012 18:00:17 -0800

My mom didn’t think that last shot of Peewee did her justice (even though it more than did. This cat is ugly.) So 15 shots later we finally found her good side. #coloradoxmasrandolphindown

Peewee is not Shadaaaay. But she will have to do....

Mon, 24 Dec 2012 17:41:37 -0800

Peewee is not Shadaaaay. But she will have to do. #coloradoxmasrandolphindown

Fucking whatever, gun laws. Fucking whatever, America. We're all going to die and none of this really matters. Didn't you already know that already?

Sun, 23 Dec 2012 01:41:00 -0800

This post started the other night when I was drifting off to sleep and I thought of the perfect, self-indulgent, pretentious post. I had it in my head and I thought, “If I can’t fall asleep in the next five minutes I’m going to get up and write that.” But, I fell asleep.

“Jesus Christ,” I just thought, as I just thought of the next sentence in this post and rolled my eyes at how cliche it was. As I type this, I’ve completely forgotten what that next sentence was supposed to be. I’ve also forgotten what that perfect drifting to sleep post was supposed to be about. But it was poignant, astute, and world changing.

Of course.

I’m back in my hometown and an eHarmony commercial just popped up. That on top of the expected, but always somehow surprising, internal pressure I put on myself when I see my old friends and their families — IFC wouldn’t even meet with us! What the fuck is that shit? They’re airing a reality show about FUCKING BEARDS. FUCKING ASSHOLES WHO GROW BEARDS. I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER THE WORLD. I’M A TALENTLESS HACK WHO IS HANGING BY A THREAD. IF ONLY I COULD WAIT FOUR YEARS UNTIL MY BEARD IS LONGER. I’LL JUST INVEST IN FACIAL HAIR LIKE GOLD BULLION. THEN I’LL HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE TO AMERICA.

I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to make a statement about America. I was trying to axe grind against what star-fuckers IFC has become. And I get it. They want exposure. It’s good math. But still their programming is starless. Me and Kelsy’s little show called “Business” could have been developed into something special, but nobody in development is in to development. They’re in to deconstruction. The previous sentence has a non-exclusive agreement with IFC.

Listen. I’m sorry. Listen. America is a toilet, but murder is already a crime. I guess we can stack laws on top of laws like boxes in a moving truck, but that truck only has one stop. And it’s in your momma’s pussy.

Hungover

Sat, 22 Dec 2012 11:19:37 -0800

Hungover

Sexy!

Tue, 04 Dec 2012 10:06:54 -0800

Sexy!

channel101tumblr: davidseger: If it wasn’t for Morgan Locke,...

Wed, 28 Nov 2012 16:57:05 -0800

channel101tumblr:

davidseger:

If it wasn’t for Morgan Locke, Channel 101 would be a goddamn disaster. He converts all the media and does the credits sequences and edits lots of shit and makes sure stuff happens. Happy Birthday Morgan! May your birthday be as breezy and thoughtful as you are in this photo.

I forgot mentioning this yesterday I’m sorry! This is a three year old Dave Seger post. I’m sorry. Happy Birthday yesterday Morgan Locke!

Morgan is the best.